Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
