no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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