So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
