and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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