Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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