all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
