when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
