I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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