You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
