I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
