I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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