His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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