even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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