oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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