hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
