I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
