Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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