I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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