John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
