you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
