But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
