My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
