There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
