Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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