...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
