you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
