I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
