i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
