If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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