My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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