Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
