ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
