I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Mom said you looked used
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
