So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
