Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
