i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
