Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
