I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
