I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
