I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
