Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
