i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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