i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
