So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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