GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
