ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I want a musical about memes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
