my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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