Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
