I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she looked like the before picture.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
