I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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