Do you still have your period?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
