What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
