So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
