There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
