I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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